I awake before the sun
Staring at my reflection
filling my mouth with fluoride-free foam
if whatever "this" is
is worth getting out of the warm bed
sandwiched between beloved and baby.
My clothes are laying there waiting to be filled.
I tiptoe for 30 minutes before I stir up the house.
Organic coffee brewing....check
concealer under my eyes...check
glitter on my lids (a clever distraction and request from a 6 year old boy) check
leftovers packed up for healthy lunch...check
to awaken the children
up to hear the protests
up to pick out the costumes
up to repeat myself 50 or more times.
whoosh out to the frozen car
whooshing down the road
whooshing children into their school
whooshing to get to my job on time
taking care of "others's" for 8 hours a day
hearing the cries of wanting their mommies
hearing their cries of...I am so hungry
Hearing the sounds of laughter echoing of the bricks
feeling the ghosts of children's past
remembering the times that I played like this.
Monitoring them eat.
Monitoring them walk.
Monitoring them learn.
Monitoring their behaviors.
Monitoring their arms flying towards my face.
Monitoring their spirit as they yearns for more.
Understanding that more needs to be done.
Understanding that we are ALL tired.
Understanding that we are not paid based on our merit
how well we take care of their children
understanding that being punched in the eye is just a reflex
and that it cant matter
Knowing that this is temporary
it cannot last
the system does not acknowledge
Knowing that I can only do my best for as long as I can
Knowing that if I am not careful
the fluorescent lights will win
that the tap water will win
that the microwave will win
that if I am not careful
I will not move forward
I clock out
Whooshing in busy traffic of life
hurrying to get to my own kids
that have been guarded
and kept safe
who do not get paid enough
that dont get acknowledged
that understand that being ignored
or punched in the face
or have left their homework home AGAIN
I find myself exhausted
what I have
and who my children are
and that I am safe
that they are safe
from fluorescent light bulbs
from processed foods
from sitting in a hard plastic chair
and we all fall into the door
drop our costumes
kick our shoes off in joy
even if it is only for a few hours
before I am tucking them in
kissing their faces
going through their book bags
organizing their tossed shoes
setting up the coffee pot
ripping my clothes off and sliding into my nice warm bed
next to my nice warm beloved
and dreaming of a time when money does not rule me
dreaming of a time when I can live off the land
teach spiritual based workshops
write some children's books
I made a difference...somewhere....