Two years have passed since I have written...can that even be real?
Spirituality is like a painting of multiple layers...always changing...evolving,devolving, creative experience. These are just some of my thoughts along the way
Saturday, November 25, 2017
Friday, March 27, 2015
Hello Again
So wow...I forgot I had a blog. I have been using facebook as a place to do everything. Anyone else get caught in that loop? I see people saying that they are shutting their facebook down on the daily...I have done this myself. We recognize that we are spending far too much "time" in there...and yet we keep doing it. We say we are shutting it down, time to focus on ourselves, stop being addicted to the info...mmmm but the connection. Its so sweet isn't it? It's what we were craving, no? Remember when we were younger with our beepers, or our myspace (mmm myspace with music apps and our own wallpaper and fonts), our notes passed in school. I kept those fr the longest time...slipped to you by a friend of a friend in a hallway or on your desk. But SHHHH don't get caught. Oh the horror if you were caught...if your notes were read out loud? Or the wrong person got ahold of it. THIS MESSAGE WILL SELF DESTRUCT. lol. but now we have an inbox, chat. email, instagram, twitter, email, snapchat, vines, etc...We want more. But we also want less. To be connected. That's what the root is though isn't it? To connect out...outside ourselves to get back inside ourselves. lol its funny. God. provides all that we desire ...and sometimes it gets to be too much...
Too much, that's what I have been contemplating today. I am a Scorpio..and so my mind has to tear apart and process all things big or small...to see where I feel the most. Feelings junky? maybe. I like it though. Life is a puzzle that inevitably we wont really know whats what till we do. This life? Maybe...but most likely not. When things do become too much what do you do to process them done? I play in the dirt, stand in some water, watch a sproutlet reach for the sun and zen out into whatever IT is I am overly thinking about. I do not try to repress my feelings or thoughts. I WANT them. They are there for a reason and who am I to deny energy that ants to flow through? I will sit with my feelings and thoughts until they become something or until it subsides and flows away like dust in the wind...and try to watch it till it disappears. I am finding that this is sometimes hard for people around me to understand or bare at times. Watching me sit in this energy puddle of my own minds making, but everyone has their way to process their MUCHNESS.
The word that keeps reappear to me...for myself and others that I have talked to this week...is SHINE. What does that mean and how can you achieve this when you aren't feeling it? hmmmm good questions. To shine is akin to walking in your power. To feel the great central sun shining on you and through you. It propels you to move forward. No matter what is trying or has gotten you down. To find that silver lining within and make the steps..even baby ones...to pull that through and out your eyes. so you can filter through all that is blocking your light. Not to repress it...that's like mucky water. Tar pit style stuff...that is the opposite of what I mean. So here's an example: your heart is broke. It just happened its fresh. You are FEELING it and its hard to feel anything else. That's ok. FEEL it, go within it, grab onto it and ride it like a wave. Be safe and surround yourself with anything material that helps you remember who you are WHILE you ride that wave (music, incense, friends that can hold unconditional unjudgemental space for you, water to stay hydrated, fruit, ice cream?, journal, go for a drive, go for a walk, go dancing, scream, etc). No woe is me stuff. No self deprecating statements. No looking for others to join your pity party. Cause you cant ride a wave as a victim. You must ride the wave as a survivor...adventurer...warrior...with courage and love of yourself, Confidence. And as you are riding that wave a certain grace hits you. Though you might still be feeling feelings you acknowledge you are doing it with grace. And so enters your SHINE. You have worked out that feelings are normal...and part of this human experience, you have worked out how to walk through the tar with grace, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel in your imagination, you can see there are blessings in those parts that cut deep. Very intense teachers those pains can be. And thus your heart slowly starts to open and through those new LENSES...your eyes...you Shine...Magic. Transcendence. And guess what? we have gazillions of opportunities to hone in our shiny skills. Every day we are presented with ways to be more shiny. To live in that space of new choices and magic is possible.
I love you all...we are all co-creating this massive reality. It was my guiding message two years ago....TIME to SHINE Ina. now I get what that means.
Too much, that's what I have been contemplating today. I am a Scorpio..and so my mind has to tear apart and process all things big or small...to see where I feel the most. Feelings junky? maybe. I like it though. Life is a puzzle that inevitably we wont really know whats what till we do. This life? Maybe...but most likely not. When things do become too much what do you do to process them done? I play in the dirt, stand in some water, watch a sproutlet reach for the sun and zen out into whatever IT is I am overly thinking about. I do not try to repress my feelings or thoughts. I WANT them. They are there for a reason and who am I to deny energy that ants to flow through? I will sit with my feelings and thoughts until they become something or until it subsides and flows away like dust in the wind...and try to watch it till it disappears. I am finding that this is sometimes hard for people around me to understand or bare at times. Watching me sit in this energy puddle of my own minds making, but everyone has their way to process their MUCHNESS.
The word that keeps reappear to me...for myself and others that I have talked to this week...is SHINE. What does that mean and how can you achieve this when you aren't feeling it? hmmmm good questions. To shine is akin to walking in your power. To feel the great central sun shining on you and through you. It propels you to move forward. No matter what is trying or has gotten you down. To find that silver lining within and make the steps..even baby ones...to pull that through and out your eyes. so you can filter through all that is blocking your light. Not to repress it...that's like mucky water. Tar pit style stuff...that is the opposite of what I mean. So here's an example: your heart is broke. It just happened its fresh. You are FEELING it and its hard to feel anything else. That's ok. FEEL it, go within it, grab onto it and ride it like a wave. Be safe and surround yourself with anything material that helps you remember who you are WHILE you ride that wave (music, incense, friends that can hold unconditional unjudgemental space for you, water to stay hydrated, fruit, ice cream?, journal, go for a drive, go for a walk, go dancing, scream, etc). No woe is me stuff. No self deprecating statements. No looking for others to join your pity party. Cause you cant ride a wave as a victim. You must ride the wave as a survivor...adventurer...warrior...with courage and love of yourself, Confidence. And as you are riding that wave a certain grace hits you. Though you might still be feeling feelings you acknowledge you are doing it with grace. And so enters your SHINE. You have worked out that feelings are normal...and part of this human experience, you have worked out how to walk through the tar with grace, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel in your imagination, you can see there are blessings in those parts that cut deep. Very intense teachers those pains can be. And thus your heart slowly starts to open and through those new LENSES...your eyes...you Shine...Magic. Transcendence. And guess what? we have gazillions of opportunities to hone in our shiny skills. Every day we are presented with ways to be more shiny. To live in that space of new choices and magic is possible.
I love you all...we are all co-creating this massive reality. It was my guiding message two years ago....TIME to SHINE Ina. now I get what that means.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Hello! I just wanted to share some of my thoughts and experiences regarding the term Past Life Regression. When I was 16 I had my first past life session. I wanted to know, "Where did all this magic start for me"? I was defin. answered with a lifetime when I was what is now referred to as a pharaoh of sorts. See words now are not the same as wherever you go. So it is the closest word my mind could compare out loud.
I was raised as boy by my mother in a tribe of all women. I was never spoken to out loud. Only telepathically. The tribe was guarded by lions. Usually only the females lionesses. When I turned 16 I was told by my mother, the priestess, that it was time for me to go. I was given nothing and forced out by being shunned. I tried to hug my mother goodbye but she refused to give me any energy. I left. Walking through the dessert I dug for water and ate slices of cactus and whatever else I could find. Sometime had past, my hair was short when I left and it was long when I was finally found. It seemed a hallucination at first as these gorgeous men (Men...whom I had never seen before) dressed in white loin cloths and gold bangles scooped me up. Their faces were sharp and chiseled like. They had long hair as well. We looked similar. There was 1 women with them that said, "It is him. He is The One." I didn't have any energy and I passed out as they carried me "home". I was taken inside a small pyramid building. I could feel the cool temperature inside. There were people happily doing their daily living chores. Children ran around happy with balls and sticks. The women and men wore their hair long, straight, and black. They all wore white garments. There were gardens everywhere. Lots of tall beautiful flowers growing with fruits and veggies. I was taken "upstairs" to the top of the pyramid where I was bathed and shown my chambers. There was a very large doorway without a door. After they cleansed me and dressed me, they had me go outside and meet "my" people. I was scared. I didn't understand. I looked into a large mirror before heading out the door and I saw in my minds eye my mother staring at me through the mirror. And she spoke to me for the first time. She explained to me that I was born of the stars. That it was always in my destiny to be for the people. I am was placed here to help. And when they would see me they would feel that resonate inside their soul, because "they" called for me. She told me she loved me and that she would always be there in spirit. She placed her hands in pray pose touching her bottom lip with them as she tilted her head down and stared into my eyes. I released tears. I stood tall, strong, and in alignment with what was to be my "new" life. I walked outside and looked down at the villagers. They cheered and smiled and danced in the street. I smiled with them. I was theirs. I was born for them.
The regression continued to my point of death which was painful. I died older with sand in my lungs. There were people around my bed, but I was a celebrate man so they were not family of my birthing. I asked myself in spirit before I died...."did I make a difference?" And in a breath I heard from far away my mother say yesssssss and I drifted out into sparkly dust looking energy to become one with the energies of which I was created.
That session changed my world. It changed my reality from a young girl who did tarot readings and watched people that had passed on, to remembering that, that is why I came. To help. There are as many ways to help that there are people on this planet. Is this limited to time and space?
In my experience it is not. As the years went on and I practiced this form of communication. I have found that we are not bound by time when we are in such a space of relaxation and trust. When you "leave" there are no boundaries that are limited. When I ask your guide to come forth to take you to that place that your spirit desires to go...We are not in charge of where that is. Your higher self is not bound by our same planetary laws. Last week a client of mine returned with her family on another planet where they had the energy construct of what we would call dragons. Their energy could shapeshift from reptilian to human-like. Their energy did not feel like the reptilians that we talk about here. They were passionate, and intensely possessive to those they loved, or what they believed in. It was a concurrent life that mirrors her present life. The karmas are reflected from one to the other.
Therefore, how can we a spiritual beings keep suggesting past life regressions when we are no longer bound? Time keeps speeding up, meanwhile we are eagerly trying to collect experiences and we are shooting out the signals that we are ready for more. Give us more, faster brighter more loving, etc...this shows in the speed of what regressions used to be for me and how they are now.
It used to be 16 years ago that I would give a reading, it would take a long time to relax the being and they could only get through a partial life. Currantly a being needs less relaxation, goes straight to the Akash, calls for their guide, and whoosh! 6 lifetimes and 2 1/2 hours later....a being comes out with greater understanding and gifts to keep moving them down their path...All life Integration. Trusting to go anywhere in time and space to collect awareness with the bubble of your guide holding you.
There are times when we are faced with challenges, hardships, fears, cliffs, tests of faith...In these moments we always have a choice. Its universal law for humans to be given options for every circumstance we come across. My life has been no exception. I am thankful for my struggle and my pain. I am blessed to be sitting here in front of this technology. I am blessed to get to share with you my inner awareness and my underlying thought currents that propel me further on my path. maybe in my words I will find more peace. Maybe sharing my experiences will help another find a clear break through the forest of unknowing. At any rate...I am here.
She lives in fairy tale world that most dont understand. She walked between worlds and was guided by the divine order of the feelings realm. Her quest for love was unwavering. She always had faith that creator God would always have her and show her the way.The trials of her faith were tested in subtle ways unless she turned a blind eye, which she of course would do....
Do you have moments in your life where you turn a blind eye? Is the choice to hard? Are you caught up in a pattern that you feel you are powerless and have no control.
RELEASE CONTROL
RELEASE THE PATTERN
RELEASE THE POWERLESSNESS
RELEASE EVERYTHING
RELEASE
She has memories of flying free...formless...untethered...unrestrained...totally loved uncontrollably. There were no walls. There were no barriers. There were no no's. There only...was....everything she desired. Her colors flowed like watercolor paint through the atmosphere. She designed it that way. She desired color and movement to spread rampantly...unhindered..unjudged...un. and then without a thought it would wipe clean and she would dance again. This time with sound. And the music poured out of her the vibration rippled through the universe. and the "others" started to feel. A pulse. the pulse ricocheted through the spaces of everything and nothingness. free. and "they" started to awaken. From groggy eyes the space started to swell. she smiled.....and danced float glittered away....to continue on her mission to play. "They" were the elders. The ancient ones. The "Gods". The deities. Formlessness. The Void. Zero point. She was not the only inner child. There were many. They had their own ways. Their own joys. Their own creations. Their own desires. Each one personal to themselves. Once in awhile they would combine together in thought forms. Clusters. creating. Playing. mischievous children of the spaces in between. But She...Sha...was an illuminated one. Her light blazed bright burned streaks of rainbows in the night. MMM but oh did she stir up energy. Always mixing in with the "ones" that coagulated in masses creating density. She danced and spun in between their stagnation pits trying to create movement. Pulling at the cords that helped them stick. Turbulence. Waves. And for some...it would work...they would break free from their spaces and join their soul shine...creating brilliance throughout existence. And when they did...they would light up...remembering why they were born unto the void. It was not the "Gods" that desired to create. no....they had been there. They rested. Their joy came from watching the children play, watching the newness the children painted. In this "they" would smile. and watch from afar. Eternity was created for them to do as they willed. And their will...continues.
And the beat goes on..duh duh duh dunt!
Do you ever find that life is easier to follow if you look at it like a fairytale? Why do you think that is? Maybe our own inner children remember what its truly like to be filled with joy and creative inspiration. Maybe our gods want us to play and be happy. Do you not see that the break down comes from our inner joy becoming unfulfilled? Do you ever see sad people or angry people and you just wanna do anything to shake them fro their sleep? Do you ever need shaken from your sleep? As a mother it is easy for me to see life as a child...through childlike lenses. They are here to be...come...something powerfully vibrant and great. We as parents only wish for their happiness. If the Hermetics concepts of As Above So Below As Below So above are in any way accurate then...if you as a parent find happiness in seeing your child happy then why would it be any different for our creators? Our Gods? Our God? Our Goddess? I really dont think it is. Choose the path that illuminates your highest joy. That illuminates others in your reality. its time...dear ones to remeber to....Shine.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Fairy Food Forest Videos.
I thought I would try my hand at video tapping myself.
lol
In the future I will have someone else do that for me.
seems videos and I have alot of learning to do.
But the background is good info and some real scenes of what we are doing and the stages we had been in.
Please post a comment and leave behind and advise or questions!
xoxoxoxoxox
Sweet dreams!!
Past Life Regression or Self integration?
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Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Fairy Food Forest and Hugelkultur
Fairy Food Forest
| http://www.howarddavidjohnson.com/free.htm |
This year is fascinating!! It is a year of putting manifestations into fruition (literally fruit ion lolol). Over the last few years my beloved, Atum, and I have been studying several modalities for spiritual based gardening. It all started when I was pregnant with my now 2 year old fairy-alien child!
| Mayara Tulaya 2yr. |
Some people nest inside...cleaning and organizing getting ready for their new bundle to come. Me? I was consumed with everything plant related! We turned our whole yard (overgrown empty plot) into (a mess) a lasagna garden. I bet our neighbors thought, "What the heck are those hippies doing now?" Well...I wouldn't blame them! We trash hunted for cardboard, restaurant trash-bags full of greens, eggshells, and coffee grounds. We dumped and layered until our yard literally looked like this:
Yup! EVERYWHERE! We spent days sitting in the hot Sept. sun pulling invasive vines, moving rocks, re-structuring, trash diving. We spent long nights watching youtube and reading different ways to do this crazy project the most effectively. We covered all of our trash gold with bags and bags of roadside leaves and grass clippings. THEN right before planting time...our city held a compost sale! $10 per truckload they fill your truck up. We got 9 truckloads of compost. A few weeks later City wide mulch sale! $10 per truckload again this time we purchased 4. My very pregnant self (8 months) was out there scooping load after load...wheel barrel after wheel barrel hyper focused on my mission. To bring my child into a world where we (her guardians) were actively trying to make a change.
We had very large dreams. We dreamnt of birthing her in our home just Atum and myself. Atum was to deliver our child into this world without the help of the western world influence. We...had a dream. But like some dreams they don't always go just as you remember them. After being in labor for a month (ugh), falling up some stairs, an emergency room kidney infection (my temp was 105 degrees)...I had enough. With tears in our eyes and 11/11 passing us by...on 11/16 I checked into the hospital serious birth plan in hand. At first we were disappointed in how the universe was unfolding before us. Then I took a bath. No pain meds. No attachments on my belly. No nurse intrusions on our privacy. She was coming. Atum and I were alone in the bathroom I stood up and declared her emergence. I looked down with wide eyes I looked at Atum...and in a breath...ONE BREATH...out she came. Tiny little alien fairy covered in dna juices nestled inside a startled happy dad. He did get to deliver her. We did have a natural birth ...but sometimes the universe has a path that you least expect.
Whats this birth have to do with gardening....well to me everything!!! I would not be on this path if it were not for her. We eventually after planting that huge crazy yard garden had to move. We sold everything we owned said goodbye to the fruits of our labor and moved out to a spiritual based community church camp (The Light Center)
Now back in the city and putting into action another phase of our dream on Atum's parents property. I am confident in the notion that all of these experiences are leading towards something bigger on our path. Hopefully this will one day lead to our own land, a place where we can start teaching others how to take back our ancestral roots...growing, gorilla-ing, and savaging our nourishment. Not just eating...not just food...but NOURISHMENT!!!
We have been so lucky in this technological time that all the info we need to learn and grow is at our fingertips, and I am HUNGRY!!! Some of this brain food we have been devouring includes (certainly is not limited to......) Permaculture, HugelKultur, Polyculture, edible landscaping, Food Forestry, and Bio-dynamic Farming. Of course for me...being the freaky spiritualist that I am...I would have to also include The Elves of Lily Hill Farm, Anastasia and The Ringing Cedar Series, Barbara Marciniack's Earth, Gaia's Garden...gosh it goes on and on. I am certainly a tangent follower. I would like to thank Celestine Prophecy for that!!!! Ok enough links for you? I might have more....LOL moving on.
So I found Sepp!
I became obsessed with this style of farming/gardening. The thing with it...is its not complicated. I guess it could become complicated if you go there with it...but really its about using what you have available to you. Its about working with your land not against it. Its about planting what you can and having abundance!!! Here is a look at our progress:
I will figure out how to post videos in another post, but for now, Atums parents rented a backhoe for a week. In that week the weather fluctuated from nice to blizzardy so they were nice enough to extend our lease on the backhoe a few days (very nice)!!!
We would have liked to do this all organically, but we only had the two of us to create the scene and we figured it would take too long with just the two of us...and so backhoe it was. Atum dug trenches about 2 feet down, we used the machine to move the very very large stumps that had been cut or moved into our project area. You can see below the dirt that came out of the trench that will be used to cover the structures. This first hugel will be in part shade for now as there are some trees to the south. This is going to be the PawPaw guild (more on that as we plant it)!!!
So above you can kinda see what we did to the land here. It gives you the Northish facing shot. The hugel covered with yellow "straw" are Hugel 1 and 2! This pile of dirt in the far left corner is a hole where a post is going for a natural lean to structure that will collect rainwater that will trench to all the hugels. In the distance there in the white fence is the kitchen garden. Directly to the right of the kitchen garden is a large bonfire area and the opening to the fairy Berry Trail (more on that in another post). Atum is in the bobcat working on Hugel 3. To the left of Hugel 3 where the white circle is...is Hugel 4. The tiny trees you see are ornamental pear that were there previously. They will probably be removed once things get going so that when they are cut the nutrients will go down and start composting for the other plants about to go in. Meanwhile its St. Patty's Day at that point so potatoes are to go in! I found a site that had directions on how to do this. Supposedly the potato leaves will start poking out like a Medusa head!!! Neat. I planted all organic multi-colored pots that had been hiding under my sink for a few months collecting sprouts!! Nice little monsters! I planted onions around them...so far. On either side of these are 2 sets of blueberry bushes as well.
I actually did not watch this first..so I do not know which one this is!!!



So the Nathan's hired Lawrence Tree Service to come out and help us remove some trees that were not doing so good. One of them was hit by lightning! It was very important to us that we were able to keep ALL the mulch (and then some!!) and some of the larger trunk pieces for our project!! They were so nice, fast, and helpful!!! I would suggest them to anyone who needs tree service!! They even agreed to dump keep dumping their mulch on our property until we say stop! Sorry Lawrence Tree Service we will take it until there is no more to take!!! Ever hear of Back To Eden Garden? Plant it in inoculated mulch and it will come (said in a booming god like voice).

So far most of the Hugels (6 plus children's area) are created. 3 of them are covered in compost, mulch, leaves, decomposed chicken manure, and clover. It was still too cold to plant much else but the seeds are rolling in. I hit up the local Seed Fair (Kaw Valley Seed Project) this Feb.(2013). I love it so much!!! So many lovely faces and plants! There are tables where people donate seeds and you can collect seeds! Hopefully next year our goal is to have a booth there to show our Fairy Food Forest off and to teach people that you don't have to be a master gardener to grow food for your family or community!! I also want to teach people this process of hugelkultur!! I am an enthusiast what can I say!! Another dream of ours is to have a booth at our local Farmers market selling or trading all organic produce, medicinal herbs, eggs, and seeds! Finally one of my goals is to be able to make crafts and products out of the booty that we harvest!!! It is limitless the potential of abundance that you are given when you put forth the effort and creative energy!!! Speaking of creative energy.....


Above you see Hugel 3. I love Hugel 3. I might say that about them all, but Hugel 3 is planted and has a fairy trellis on top. It is tethered down and I wish I would have gotten a picture of Atum swinging from the top! On the left picture in the far background you can kinda see the children's area with Calliope and Atum working on the fairy clubhouse!

In the Pea Guild we planted climbing peas and a dwarf pea that will climb around on the hugel. We spread clover, planted lettuce mixes, Bloomsdale spinach, parsley, Red Stem Malabar, carrots, early okra, red giant celery, and yesterday 25 strawberry plants. Later we will plant daisy and cucumber. Some elderberry might go near this structure as well. Well...its dinner time so...hopefully you will leave comments for us! Please check out the Permies.com site for any and all info. They are the LARGEST site contain such valuable information. If you are reading this and you are in my area...lets have tea and check out The City of Lawrence Compost day sale!!! Lets get together and scoop some gold!! Keep your eyes on here you never know what crazy stuff I will write about next!!!
much love many blessings!!!
~us~
\
I became obsessed with this style of farming/gardening. The thing with it...is its not complicated. I guess it could become complicated if you go there with it...but really its about using what you have available to you. Its about working with your land not against it. Its about planting what you can and having abundance!!! Here is a look at our progress:
| Hugel #1 |
| hugel 1 and 2. There is a trench behind them to collect water runoff from the neighbors yards! The water will be filtered with plants then trenched to the hugelkulturs. |
| Atum |
| the start of 3 potato cages! |
| Hugel 3 Pea Guild |
I actually did not watch this first..so I do not know which one this is!!!
| My daughter Calliope! Up in a tree cutting vines for the fairy structures!! She could climb trees before she could walk! Lemurian Child. |
| Atum building a fairy arch in the children's area. |
The picture on the right is the children's area BEFORE mulch!!!
| this is the outline for the children's area. |
So far most of the Hugels (6 plus children's area) are created. 3 of them are covered in compost, mulch, leaves, decomposed chicken manure, and clover. It was still too cold to plant much else but the seeds are rolling in. I hit up the local Seed Fair (Kaw Valley Seed Project) this Feb.(2013). I love it so much!!! So many lovely faces and plants! There are tables where people donate seeds and you can collect seeds! Hopefully next year our goal is to have a booth there to show our Fairy Food Forest off and to teach people that you don't have to be a master gardener to grow food for your family or community!! I also want to teach people this process of hugelkultur!! I am an enthusiast what can I say!! Another dream of ours is to have a booth at our local Farmers market selling or trading all organic produce, medicinal herbs, eggs, and seeds! Finally one of my goals is to be able to make crafts and products out of the booty that we harvest!!! It is limitless the potential of abundance that you are given when you put forth the effort and creative energy!!! Speaking of creative energy.....
Above you see Hugel 3. I love Hugel 3. I might say that about them all, but Hugel 3 is planted and has a fairy trellis on top. It is tethered down and I wish I would have gotten a picture of Atum swinging from the top! On the left picture in the far background you can kinda see the children's area with Calliope and Atum working on the fairy clubhouse!
| Add caption |
much love many blessings!!!
~us~
\
Friday, February 1, 2013
A day in the life of....
I awake before the sun
Staring at my reflection
filling my mouth with fluoride-free foam
I wonder....
if whatever "this" is
is worth getting out of the warm bed
sandwiched between beloved and baby.
My clothes are laying there waiting to be filled.
I tiptoe for 30 minutes before I stir up the house.
Organic coffee brewing....check
concealer under my eyes...check
glitter on my lids (a clever distraction and request from a 6 year old boy) check
leftovers packed up for healthy lunch...check
deep breathe.
get ready
up
to awaken the children
up to hear the protests
up to pick out the costumes
up to repeat myself 50 or more times.
And then...
whoosh out to the frozen car
whooshing down the road
whooshing children into their school
whooshing to get to my job on time
taking care of "others's" for 8 hours a day
hearing the cries of wanting their mommies
hearing their cries of...I am so hungry
Hearing the sounds of laughter echoing of the bricks
feeling the ghosts of children's past
remembering the times that I played like this.
Monitoring them eat.
Monitoring them walk.
Monitoring them learn.
Monitoring their behaviors.
Monitoring their arms flying towards my face.
Monitoring their spirit as they yearns for more.
Understanding that more needs to be done.
Understanding that we are ALL tired.
Understanding that we are not paid based on our merit
or
how well we take care of their children
understanding that being punched in the eye is just a reflex
and that it cant matter
Knowing that this is temporary
it cannot last
the system does not acknowledge
them
or
us
Knowing that I can only do my best for as long as I can
Knowing that if I am not careful
the fluorescent lights will win
that the tap water will win
that the microwave will win
that if I am not careful
I will not move forward
and so
I clock out
Whooshing in busy traffic of life
hurrying to get to my own kids
that have been guarded
and kept safe
by others
who do not get paid enough
that dont get acknowledged
that understand that being ignored
or punched in the face
or have left their homework home AGAIN
and
I find myself exhausted
and grateful
of
what I have
and who my children are
and that I am safe
that they are safe
from fluorescent light bulbs
from microwaves
from processed foods
from sitting in a hard plastic chair
and we all fall into the door
drop our costumes
kick our shoes off in joy
even if it is only for a few hours
before I am tucking them in
kissing their faces
going through their book bags
organizing their tossed shoes
setting up the coffee pot
ripping my clothes off and sliding into my nice warm bed
next to my nice warm beloved
and dreaming of a time when money does not rule me
dreaming of a time when I can live off the land
teach spiritual based workshops
write some children's books
and remember
that
I made a difference...somewhere....
Friday, January 18, 2013
Wow....So today I am going to a job interview to work as a resource room para. I am especially excited about this. I have always wanted to work with children that are seemingly struggling. It is a goal of mine to graduate with a masters in Anthropology focused on the evolution of children. There is an amazing woman +Dr. Meg Blackburn Lousy. She has written many books about children of this new world. http://www.spiritlite.com/
I would like to focus my schooling on a similar path. To be able to go into a public school or a Waldorf School http://www.waldorfanswers.org/ and help them better be able to take care of children that have various labels (ADD, ADHD, Autism, Sensor Disorders, OCD, etc..) and see them as a child with different needs rather than a handicap. There are subtle changes that can be made in a child's environment or way of learning that could be tweaked... I want to be that liaison. A person that can see outside of the box and translate it back in.
So...tiny steps, I am about an hour away to be interviewed as a para. if the Universe has other plans for me so be it. I am going with the flow.
Tonight...some yoga swing action, maybe going to take littles to Laugh Out Loud! (Man we love this place!) http://www.lolfamilyzone.com/ Maybe some pictures of both! Golly I don't have any pictures on here!
I would like to focus my schooling on a similar path. To be able to go into a public school or a Waldorf School http://www.waldorfanswers.org/ and help them better be able to take care of children that have various labels (ADD, ADHD, Autism, Sensor Disorders, OCD, etc..) and see them as a child with different needs rather than a handicap. There are subtle changes that can be made in a child's environment or way of learning that could be tweaked... I want to be that liaison. A person that can see outside of the box and translate it back in.
So...tiny steps, I am about an hour away to be interviewed as a para. if the Universe has other plans for me so be it. I am going with the flow.
Tonight...some yoga swing action, maybe going to take littles to Laugh Out Loud! (Man we love this place!) http://www.lolfamilyzone.com/ Maybe some pictures of both! Golly I don't have any pictures on here!
Tiny Meditation and Affirmation:
Inhale
allowing love to fill my body head to toe...hold your breathe count of 4
exhale
releasing anything stuck or thoughts that hinder
hold exhale count of 4
Inhale filling with the thought forms of
I am walking that path of my higher good
Exhale
Allow all thoughts contrary to release
Inhale
If it is meant to be it will be
Exhale
And so it is.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Greetings
And so it begins....
I have been wanting to create a blog for quite some time now, but usually I just revert to Facebook. What is this blog going to be? Good question. Short answer...my journey through all this life-ness. yes i use quirky words and dont capitalize my i's all the time.
So...today is
Day 1.
It was a sleepy sort of day. Mayara,2, runs around naked (she refuses to keep her clothes on)hoping for me to play non-stop My Little Ponies and getting into the cuties leaving orange peels scattered about. Its has sweet imagery of Hansel and Gretel while I move sloth like to clean it all up. Creating this blog was my creative outlet.
I thought to myself~Yoga~ and immediately my mind goes to..."I like to yoga yoga. I like to yoga yoga. I like to.....YOGA" and so 30 sec. dance party proceeds in my mind.
It is the kids' get ready for bedtime...the craziest time of a mothers day...and so I am scared of what the house will look like when I turn around and change my focus from this electrical world to my physical motherly one...
Meditation
Deep breath in
sit straighter in the chair
deep breath out
release expectation that the house will be a chaos factory
deep breath in
filling myself with will power
deep breath out
centering in my heart.
here I go.
Till tomorrow~
I have been wanting to create a blog for quite some time now, but usually I just revert to Facebook. What is this blog going to be? Good question. Short answer...my journey through all this life-ness. yes i use quirky words and dont capitalize my i's all the time.
So...today is
Day 1.
It was a sleepy sort of day. Mayara,2, runs around naked (she refuses to keep her clothes on)hoping for me to play non-stop My Little Ponies and getting into the cuties leaving orange peels scattered about. Its has sweet imagery of Hansel and Gretel while I move sloth like to clean it all up. Creating this blog was my creative outlet.
I thought to myself~Yoga~ and immediately my mind goes to..."I like to yoga yoga. I like to yoga yoga. I like to.....YOGA" and so 30 sec. dance party proceeds in my mind.
It is the kids' get ready for bedtime...the craziest time of a mothers day...and so I am scared of what the house will look like when I turn around and change my focus from this electrical world to my physical motherly one...
Meditation
Deep breath in
sit straighter in the chair
deep breath out
release expectation that the house will be a chaos factory
deep breath in
filling myself with will power
deep breath out
centering in my heart.
here I go.
Till tomorrow~
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